I'm going to finish up the back to school Q&A session with this great question from Katie B. whose oldest daughter is just entering kindergarten:
How much is too much after school activities for my kindergartner? Dance? Piano? Another Dance class? Girl Scouts? Swim Lessons? Not that I've signed her up for any of that yet . . .
Well first of all, in my opinion, swimming lessons are not optional. Every child needs to take them until the test out of the top level. Swimming is a life skill that everyone needs to be safe in the water. As for the rest of it, let me start by saying that no matter how talented in any area your child is . . .
WIPE ANY IDEA OF COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIPS OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
Seriously.
Now.
This 2008 article from the NY Times should be required reading for all parents signing up their five year olds for sports. I mean it. Go read it. I'll wait. It explains just how futile those dreams are. Some excerpts:
"Excluding the glamour sports of football and basketball, the average N.C.A.A. athletic scholarship is nowhere near a full ride, amounting to $8,707. In sports like baseball or track and field, the number is routinely as low as $2,000. Even when football and basketball are included, the average is $10,409. Tuition and room and board for N.C.A.A. institutions often cost between $20,000 and $50,000 a year.. . .
"In 2003-4, N.C.A.A. institutions gave athletic scholarships amounting to about 2 percent of the 6.4 million athletes playing those sports in high school four years earlier.
Given the amount of time and money you'll spend from birth to 18 to develop a child who can earn a scholarship you would be MUCH better served to invest the time into academic pursuits and the money into a good investment fund. By the time your child is 18, they'll be much more capable of earning one of the plentiful academic scholarships and have a tidy sum in the bank to fall back on.
But what to do when your child truly passionately love a sport or instrument or other extra-curricular activity?
How much time and resources do you spend?
There's no right answer except this: If other areas of your child's life or your family's life are taking second place to activities you have too many.
We have struggled with this many times over the years. For instance, Reagan's first love is horseback riding. Frankly, this sport is not in our budget and loading and driving a horse and al the equipment to competitions is a time suck that we haven't been willing to delve into too often. So the compromise is that we have a (relatively) inexpensive horse whom we love but who isn't all that great at competing and we've limited those competitions to three or four local shows a year.
Reagan may very well have gone further in the horse world had we devoted more of our resources to it, but the cost to our family would have been too great. Honestly? I've shed some tears over it. It's frustrating to not be able to give your kids all their dreams.
But that's life.
Faith has a huge passion for dancing and shows some real talent for it but until this year, we've limited her to 2-3 classes a week though she'd love to be there every day.
We do this because we love her. We want her to have a full life with lots of experiences. She's played soccer and learned to play the violin. She's spent countless hours playing outside with her best friend Em. We've gone on vacations and eaten dinner together. She would have had to sacrifice some of this if she'd had the eight classes a week she wanted.
Will she be a professional dancer someday?
Maybe. She sure thinks so.
But whether she's the worlds greatest dancer or a school teacher or an accountant, more than anything we want her to be a good and healthy human.
We all want our kids to be all that they can be, but before you fill out another registration form or write another check, remember these points:
- Family comes first. Some families make their kids activities a family event and that's great. But if you find that your kids' extra-curriculars are taking away from family, it's time to re-evaluate.
- School comes second. If activities are getting in the way of homework or your kids are too tired in class because they've been run ragged at basketball, re-evaluate.
- Life is long. Childhood is not the only time in life to learn to play an instrument, learn martial arts or take a pottery class. You aren't obligated to provide every experience now. Leave some things for them to explore when they get older.
- If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. There are millions of parents in the world who can't afford food for their kids. Don't feel bad if you can't afford ice skating lessons.
If they don't love it, don't force it. Hayden has tried soccer, baseball, flag football swim team and guitar lessons. He whined about doing all of them. We made him complete each season he signed up for because commitments must be honored and then we moved on. Eventually he found Tae Kwon Do which he really took to. I don't consider the others a waste of time or money, but they would have been if I'd made him do them.
Finally, remember that kids change their interests. I'm thinking of my friend, Allison, whose daughter has played softball for years. Spring practice, summer leagues, clinics in the fall and winter, private lessons . . . she's done it all.
She's very good and her whole family is involved. Allison's husband coaches the team and they've had a great time over the years traveling to tournaments and making friends in the softball world. Allison and her husband have always been realistic about their daughter's future as a college athlete (not-likely) but they all truly love the sport.
Except this year?
Their daughter, who is now a sophomore in high school, decided that she wants to play soccer which she has never even tried. To get in shape for soccer, she quit softball and joined the cross-country team of all things.
If Allison were one of those parents who were hanging all their hopes and dreams on her kid's accomplishments she would be bereft right now. She's not. Instead, Allison just laughs and shakes her head and is going out to buy soccer cleats.
Most importantly, her daughter is learning that her parents love her and support her no matter what sport she plays - or doesn't.
And that is the most important thing that any extra-curricular activity can bring.
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 6:55AM 
When Faith was little I put blush, mascara and pink lipstick on her. In those years she was always in some kind of “natural” costume like a fairy or a bumble bee. I believe Katie B’s daughter is in a mini Wonder Woman costume so I’d go ahead and go darker for that. I like the liquid eye liner. It’s a little harder to apply on a squirmy little girl, but you can do a thinner line and it’s more dramatic.
