I went to Target.

And there I discovered that I have bulimia - Target Bulimia.

See, there isn't a Target handy to my house (a clear oversight by the city planners). So I don't just pop in whenever the mood strikes.  Instead I let the craving, the yearning, the need for Target build in my system and then I walk through the doors and lose all control.

I took the girls.  We were just going in to get a few basics.  Period.  End of story.  Socks and underwear and whatnot and we were outta there.

But there's that nifty little $1 section right inside the door and Reagan asked for Spiderman markers.

Yes she is a 14 year old girl.  Apparently Spiderman has universal appeal.

They were only $1 so we threw them in.

And then I saw the sunglasses and I need sunglasses - mine are all scratched.  While I was trying them on the girls meandered into accessories.  A necklace, headband, three pairs of earrings and the sunglasses later we moved on. 

But we had to pass the Juniors section.  And the tank tops were on sale.  Reagan wears a tank top or cami nearly every day - and they were on sale.  So we threw in four or five.  But then, I had gotten Reagan something so I had to balance that out and get something for Faith.

Thus the leotard.

And leggings.

Finally, we made it to socks and underwear.  I don't know what the girls do with their socks, but they disappear rapidly.  Also, the cats eat them, which I cannot explain but it's true.  So we looked for socks that they both liked and that seemed unappealing to the felines' culinary sensibilities and threw them in.  Of course Reagan can't just throw in a pack of underwear, she has to go through bins and pick out the cute ones which meant that Faith and I may have wandered a bit.

To the shoes.

Oh how I love Target shoes.  They had these.

Obviously, clearly, most apparently, Faith needed them.  And then the fair play thing came around again and so I had to get Reagan a pair.

  And if Faith got new shoes, and Reagan got new shoes, well then I certainly needed new shoes.  And they had leather flip-flops!  I love leather flip-flops.  They make me feel like I'm wearing an actual shoe when I wear them to work.  Everyone knows that you can't wait to buy leather flip-flops because then they will be all gone when you come back and the thought of what could have been will haunt you forever.

We can't have that now, can we?

By now the pile in the cart was getting quite large but I just wanted to peek at the bathroom accessories.  We are re-doing the kids' bathroom and I just wanted to see what they had.

What they had was this.

I'm sorry, but are those not the cutest?

And yes, at 9, 12 and 14 my kids are indeed too old for monster bathroom accessories.  None of us care.  And as if the counter top stuff were not cute enough, check out the rug.

Instead of one rug, it comes as a set of two monster feet!

I heart them.

On the way out of the store, we meandered through the health and beauty section and even more items found their way into the cart.  More than I realized actually.  At check out, I was unloading the groaning cart onto the conveyor belt and there were more than a couple items that I had not approved in there.

My girls are sneaky!

We got home and laid everything out and I realized I had done it again.

I had Target-binged.  Big time.

I need to check WebMD for the symptoms, but I'm pretty sure this is clearly Target Bulimia

I really feel for the families at my school who have moved here from other countries.  This town is a relocation center for African refugees and I can not even fathom how hard that must be.  To have to leave your country involuntarily with just your kids and the clothes on your back.  And then?  To be plopped down in the middle of a foreign country where nothing is the same. 

And it's cold.

And you don't have a car.

And you don't speak the language.

And your clothes are weird, but you have no money.

And the food is weird.

Then, you have to put your kids in school.  A school where you can't meet with the teachers because you don't understand what they are saying.  A school where if the nurse calls to tell you your child is sick you can't understand it.  A school where your child gets in trouble because the customs are different.

And then one day in March you send your precious children to school and they come home crying because they got pinched all day for not wearing green.

Green?

Why?

Please people, if you know of any immigrant families in your area take their kids some green tee shirts for next week.  You probably won't have any luck explaining why we celebrate an Irish holy day by pinching people who don't wear green but try.

For me.

Because last year on St. Patrick's Day?  Seeing the little faces crying just about did me in and I ran through all my green stickers trying to rectify the situation.

Thank you for your cooperation. :)

It's Monday, and I'm fragmented.  So is this post.

1) Pick Another One - I'm totally picking the vacation option.  I'll take the kids on some of them but not all.  I could take a really nice cruise for $10,000.

2) I told Rich that if we do die wealthy I want to write my will just like that.  I want to make people choose how to spend my money and I don't want it to go towards boring things like bills and savings.

3) But don't hold your breath.  The chances of us dying wealthy are slim to none.

4) Speaking of death, a friend my sister's died over the weekend.  One of those completely random and horribly tragic situations.  He was in his late 30's and in good health and just died.  They think it was a blood clot.  He left behind a wife and three kids. 

Stories like that throw me for a loop.  I spent the rest of the weekend appreciating Rich more while mentally planning his funeral and deciding if I would keep the house or sell it if he died.  Also, Rich has a lot of stuff.  I spent Sunday afternoon deciding what I would do with his stuff.  It was stressful.

Also, do you think I could use his CPAP machine in lieu of mouth to mouth resuscitation?

Anyone need some neuroses?  Because, clearly, I have some to spare.

5) If I hadn't been being grateful that Rich wasn't dead, I would have killed him because it was nice this weekend and I really, really want the yard decorations down.  Really.  A lot.  He did manage to remove the deer but that's it.  Grrrrrrrrr.

Happy Monday.

Is that an oxymoron?

Either to:

1) A car dealership.  You can use the $50,000 towards the purchase of a new or used car/s.  You are allowed to trade in any vehicles you currently own to help with the purchase.

or

2) A travel agent.  $10,000 will be paid directly to a travel agent every other year for 10 years to be used towards any vacation you choose and corresponding expenses.

So what is it going to be?

Two.

Teenagers.

In my house.

At the same time.

For the next 3 1/2 years.

The last time I lived with two teenagers I was a teenager.

Thirteen years ago today I ended the longest two months of my life.  I had been on bed rest since New Year's day trying not to go into early labor while also trying to take care of my one year old and the house.  Oh - and taking that awful medication that makes your heart race like you're running a marathon.  Two whole months of timing contractions and worrying and doctor visits - and it ended in a C-section because the baby was breech and wouldn't turn.

Which means that I have a scar.

And this is the thanks I get.  He's gone and grown up and is now a teenager at the same time as his sister.

Children are thankless creatures.

I have no understanding of this sport at all.  All I do know is that Hayden was worn out for the rest of the day.  And a worn out Hayden?  Well that is a very good thing.

When I saw the return address, I squealed and hurried inside.

I won a blog giveaway last week from Rachel at No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane.  If Rachel is giving it away, I want it.  She is the cutest, most stylish lady and I can always use help in the style department.

I opened the box and found another box.

The only thing more fun than a box inside a box is a box inside a box surrounded by crinkly confetti paper!

Unless your kids get into the crinkly confetti paper.  Then you'll be finding it in all sorts of unlikely places for years to come.

But that didn't happen this time.  I've been around the block a few times on this parenting gig.

What did happen, is that I got this.

 A personalized bracelet from lisa leonard designs.

Look at how cute the fastener is!  Sometimes bracelts run small on me so I was worried, but I didn't need to be.  This lovely clasp was adjustable.

I even got to pick the inscription.  Actually, I was kind of stumped on that.  I asked my husband for suggestions.  He proposed

Rich

Property Of

Yeah.  Um, no.  Nice try Sweetie. 

That was so not going to happen. 

I also toyed with putting the kids' names on there.  The thing is though, that they are kind of at an age when having me put their names on things causes a bit of eye rolling.

We do not need to add to the eye rolling around here.

Finally I settled on this.

It's from my favorite verse, 1 Samuel 16:7 " . . . The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I need reminding of that multiple times every day.  It helps me remember that

- no matter how rough or scruffy someone looks, I need to look past that and try to see their heart.

- no matter how smooth talking and put together someone is, it's what is on the inside that God cares about.

- even if I'm having a good hair day and can fit in my skinny jeans, that doesn't matter if I'm being ugly in my heart.

I first memorized this verse 15 years ago.  I'm still trying to get it to sink in.  Maybe having it engraved on a lovely bracelet will help.

Thanks so much Rachel and Lisa!

I don't know what I thought this lady had to do with Beauty Tips.  There's just something about the 1950's women that exudes wisdom on all things womanly.

Also, I don't really have "tips" so much as commentary.  Which is just as well.  I'm not one to offer beauty tips.  Heck, I sat on my closet floor for 10 minutes this morning just staring at my clothes in the hope that something new would appear.

Nothing did.

So my beauty commentary is about my chin hair, Beverly.  I don't really like Beverly but since she's a loner and doesn't come around too often I have tolerated her presence for many years now.  My biggest complaint about Beverly is that I never know when she's going to appear and when she does I'm always somewhere out and about without tweezers so I have to walk around with my chin in my hand feigning surprise until I can get back home.

This pose works too.

Again, wise and womanly.  You'd never guess that she is trying to hide a chin hair named Beverly.

A few days ago it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Beverly in a while so I went looking for her.  A bright light and a mirror turned up quite a shock.

Beverly has turned gray.

Guess what is worse than finding a gray hair on your head?

Finding one anywhere else.

I mean, I guess it's good that Beverly is a less noticeable color.  She'll be less embarrassing when she turns up, in the middle of the day, already 1/4 inch long.  But then . . . really?  A gray hair?  On my chin?

Good gravy.

I may have to change Beverly's name to Ethel.

Oh and my health tip?

Do not bring Girl Scout cookies into your house.  I would tell you not to buy them at all, but sometimes it's very hard to resist those cute little faces.

When you get the box though, hand it off to the nearest passerby.  Open it and set it on the table in the company break room.  Leave it as a tip for your waitress.

But do not bring it home.

Because once a box of Samoas enters my house?

I am not responsible for what happens next.

THRILLED.

I've tried to get back to new commenters either via e-mail or blog visits, but if I missed you:  thanks for visiting, thanks for commenting, please come back. :)

A special thanks to everyone who weighed in on The Best Parent/Teacher Conference Ever.  It was encouraging to both Hayden and me to read through them.  Of course the best comment came from Hayden's teacher, Ms. Miller.  In case you missed it, here it is:

". . .I was speechless as to how to respond to your postings, but I have realized that there was a HUGE part missing from your blog! The gifts that Hayden, an ADHD child, has shared with me and ALL of his teachers!
Hayden has taught me many things but here are the major ones (Please apologize to Hayden for sharing so much information)
1) There are MILLIONS of textbooks written about ADHD, but not one prepares a teacher for what life in the classroom with Hayden will look like!
2) Creating a relationship with Hayden (difficult at times) allowed me to teach him, guide him, and joke with him!
3) When creating lessons, projects, and assignments ALWAYS realize that Hayden will ask a question I hadn't thought of...and that no matter how strange it is, he is SERIOUS!
4) That when I was wrong...Hayden knew he deserved an apology...and when I gave it to him..he accepted it and the situation was done! An apology was the bridge to a relationship with Hayden. He learned I would I apologize when wrong and that he was expected to apologize when he was wrong!
5) If I wanted to avoid a headache and a battle I'd say the following "Hayden, you may work independently if you wish." (He'd always give an ear to ear smile too)
6) Making pancakes and bacon on the last day of school was a great way to end a year of hard work and accomplishments!

A rich, eccentric relative dies and leaves a very creative will.  For the rest of your life financing will be provided to pay the salaries of one of the following:

1) A daily maid*.

This maid will come each day at whatever time you wish and cheerfully do whatever tasks need doing quickly and efficiently.

OR

2) A chef

TThe chef will plan and prepare delicious, nutritious meals for you and whatever guests you may have each and every day.  Picky eaters do not bother this chef at all and he/she loves to bake and will clean up any messes they make.

Additional notes:

-The maid will also do your laundry.

-The chef will also do your grocery shopping though you have to pay for the groceries.

-You can only pick one or the wonderful gift goes to your annoying cousin.

So which is it?  The maid or the chef?

*Never, ever go on a google images search for "maid." (Shudder)