Our Theory On Kids And Facebook
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 5:00AM There are some changes coming up at school which is … life, I guess. I was kind of feeling nervous about it yesterday morning and I almost said as much in my facebook status.
Then I deleted it. It was negative and might have needlessly alarmed parents in the area.
I tried again, this time going for funny and I deleted that too because my funny can be taken for snarky.
Finally, I just decided to have a good attitude and wrote, “Mindee has decided to have a great day.”
And guess what?
I did. Such things can actually be determined by choosing your attitude.
Who knew?
That’s not my point though, my point is this: facebook is not for children. Because what I did yesterday with deleting and rewriting my status updates involves a little thing called impulse control along with thinking of consequences to others.
Kids?
Not so good at either of those. Especially when they are upset.
A few years ago, a couple of police officers came to school. When I first started working there, that would have scared me but I’ve learned that nearly always when the cops show up it’s not a big deal. Sometimes they stroll in just to say hello and check in, sometimes they are there to do a check on a Health and Human Services report. Rarely is it important so I checked them in, sent them to the office and forgot about them.
Until my principal came out and said they wanted to talk to me.
I went into the conference room where the officers were sitting with a student. It seems that I had sent the kid to the time out bench the week before at recess - a move he thought was unfair. So he went home and put on his facebook, “Who wants to help me burn down the school, all the teachers and especially Mindee?”
The parent of one of his “friends” saw it, printed it off and alerted the school and the police. In this post-Columbine world, these things are taken very seriously. This boy had to apologize to me, got suspended and has a report on his Juvenile Record.
Do I think he really intended to set me on fire?
Absolutely not.
I remember as a kid, riding the bus with my friends and all of us singing this little ditty to the tune of “Joy To The World.”
Joy to the world
The school burned down
And all the teachers too!
We’re looking for the principal
He’s hanging from the flagpole
We’re going to shoot him down
Bang! Bang!
We’re going to shoot him down
Bang! Bang!
At last he’s down and running away.
It was just a dumb song and we thought we were hilarious the whole time we were singing it. The bus driver would just roll his eyes, turn up his radio and ignore us. We were kids, we were blowing off steam with ill-advised humor and we didn’t mean anything by it.
The world is different now. We communicate by text, facebook, IM and e-mail. Our spontaneous thoughts are in print which means that, potentially, they can last forever.
Rich and I consider ourselves ultimately responsible for anything our kids post or tweet. (Lessons we’ve learned the hard way - believe me. In ten years or so when I’m allowed to blog about THAT it’s going to make a great story.) So I follow Reagan on Twitter (which she does not love) and to get onto facebook she has to bring me the laptop to log her in because she does not know her password. Hayden doesn’t really use his facebook and doesn’t tweet so he’s easy - for now. Faith is not allowed to have a facebook until she has completed 8th grade. From what I’ve seen on other middle-schoolers pages all she’s missing is drama.
Following along my Lenten adventure? Today’s piece of paper is: Give up close parking spaces. Park at the end of the lot. Whew! I got off pretty easy for the first day.
Parenting, Ruling the World, Teens
Reader Comments (16)
FB started out as something for college kids and that's sensible. My oldest was already in uni when fb took off and my youngest a Jr in highschool so it wasn't so much of an issue in our house. I am with you on middle schoolers on fb-there is already too much drama at that age. They don't need another outlet for it!
Your story made me a little sad. Unfortunately in this day and age everything is big and serious. We don't know who is joking and who really will burn down the school. But its sad all the same.
So far my 9-yr-old hasn't asked for a facebook page, not that she'd get one if she asked. I'm not sure how we'll handle it exactly when she's older and has one though. I used to say I'd friend her and would just lurk the heck out of her fb stuff, but now with "lists" she could hide stuff if she wanted to. I like your idea of logging Raegan in for her. It seems the only way to keep a close eye on it is frequent checks while actually logged in to her account. Invasion of privacy? Yep! But it's not a personal journal, it's public and a safety issue!
Also, Glad you posted what slip of paper you drew, I was wondering what you'd get for your first day, and it sounds like a pretty decent one too!
so true. tate barely writes on Facebook, but the posts are "like omg my girllllzz are goinnng owt toniteeeeee." and that's an example of a good one.
it's time for a new phase in your lenten adventure. i am SO excited for you!
I feel like I'm going to "no whammy" you every day you post your new "Lenten trial."
I don't have facebook anymore--partially because I had a student stalker, partially because of many of the things you listed above, and largely because of the drama it seems to create. It's impossible to determine "mood" from text and some things just don't need to be public knowledge, right?
So well put. Love, love, love this post. You are GREAT at articulating an argument Hey, that must be where Hayden gets it!
Oh, and I'm having my kids read this post.
Ek. I should probably just deleate my facebook (or at least eliminate many of my friends) but I keep up with it for some reason. The drama drives me nuts. I think you are dealing with your kid's facebook in the perfect way. :)
I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Love being able to keep up with friends & family, hate it for the reasons you shared. We didn't let our oldest have a page until she was in HS. That rule will apply to our 7th grader, even though she's asked repeatedly, and ALL her friends have one, it seems. Ours has her password, but so do I, and she knows I log-in on her page daily. I've had moms tell me, "I'm 'friends' with my kids, so it's ok. But that drives me crazy, because it's not enough, and you can see SO much more with their password. I've also decided to not accept any of her friends as my friends, with the exception of just a few. I don't think they need to see me discussing my latest favorite wine with my friends!
I think one of the worst thing about facebook for teenagers is the constant changing of relationship statuses. As adults it seems to be an added stressor for people going through divorces or breakups of longterm relationships. People you barely know can comment on the intimate details of your life. My brother and his girlfriend broke up for the 10th time (and are since back together), the update had like 10 "likes". Talk about people showing how they actually feel about your relationship.
Teenagers are a little too liberal about facebook. I've heard of teenagers breaking up by changing their facebook status to single. I'm glad that you are controlling their facebook profiles. Facebook has so many controls that would prevent you from viewing their statuses if they were just friends with you. I miss the days of facebook only being for Boston area college students :-P
As for your lent challenge, you picked one that is good for your fitness level and actually sometimes saves time over searching for a spot.
I
I love the idea of having to log Reagan in! That is brilliant.
The school sitch is kind of scary . . .
I love this idea and I'm totally going to do the same - many moons from now, anyway. I wish some of my aunts/uncles would do that for my younger cousins who are on facebook now... yikes.
When I was younger, all we had was email. I knew my password, but so did my parents. They didn't check it very often, but when they did - oh boy! I still remember that day like it was yesterday. And I learned my lesson :) I hated them at the time for it, but I totally get it now. And I thank them for it. (darnit...)
I truly enjoy reading your posts like this one. I look to those who are paving the way to impart their wisdom, and I tuck it away for when I need it. Thank you Mindee - I hope you did have a great day yesterday.
And my friends and I are so glad we never went the facebook route -
our lives have enough drama without getting involved in any more!
Think you're handling it just right -
Oh, how I love your parenting advice! We haven't hit the kids-on-facebook stage, yet. There are more things that I want to say, but I"m having a freak-out moment...as far as what I should say or not! Once it's on the internet, you can't take it back! haha, don't worry, it's nothing bad, just something I was going to share with you.
I am SO glad that facebook and blogs and everything didn't exist when I was in high school. 'Cause I can only imagine the embarrassingly angsty things I would have thoughtlessly put on the Internet.
i've thought about this SO OFTEN. the password idea is GENIUS. mindee, seriously, i need to keep a book of parenting advice.