Maybe I Do Not Actually Have To Control Everything?
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 8:11AM After 20 years of marriage, Rich rarely does anything that surprises me, but last week at dinner he said something that stopped me cold.
"I can cook dinner once a week."
Come again?
"I know how to cook. I can make dinner."
"Like, really cook? Not just frozen pizza?"
"Yes, really cook."
"Honey, in all the time I've know you you've only made French toast and English muffin pizzas."
The kids chimed in, "And pancakes! He knows how to make pancakes!"
Rich looked a little bit hurt. "I've grilled!"
"Okay, yes. You've grilled." I thought for a moment. Did I really want to kill this initiative? How often does the guy volunteer for something out of the blue? Not often. If I squashed this it might not happen again. "Well, I guess my theory is that if you can read you can cook. I taught myself to cook by reading cookbooks and watching cooking shows. How about if you cook every Sunday?"
There. I had laid down the challenge.
"I can do that." He looked me in the eye and replied with confidence.
"Great. But I have my menu planned for the next two weeks. You have to make what I have down and then you can pick whatever you want. I'll just need to know ahead of time to make sure we have the ingredients."
"No problem."
The kids were shooting each other nervous glances across the table. They weren't sure what to make of this development. In their world, Mom makes dinner and does the laundry. Dad fixes electronics and plumbing. The sky was falling.
Their discomfort was fun.
The next day I sent him the link to PW's Homemade Chicken Strips so he could study up. Yesterday though, as dinner time approached I started to panic. The kitchen is my zone. Cooking and baking are what I do. Having Rich in my territory messing with my stuff was making me hyperventilate a little. To add to my discomfort, I was letting Faith make dessert.
People assume, that because I cook and bake that my kids are proficient at it too. Not so much. Teaching is not really my thing. When I'm measuring flour or creaming butter and sugar or mixing in eggs, I don't want kids poking their fingers into everything and asking a bunch of questions. I don't have the patience to stand over them while they scramble eggs and make sure they stir them so they don't burn. It's just easier to do it myself which is fine with Reagan and Hayden but Faith begs me to let her cook and so yesterday I figured as long as I was breaking out in hives over having Rich in the kitchen, I might as well let Faith in there too.
I got her all the ingredients for Cherry Pineapple Dump Cake and turned her loose. Since this recipe uses an actual heated oven, I couldn't leave her unsupervised but, afraid my control issues would take over, I couldn't watch either. So I sat in the adjoining family room with my back to her playing on the iPad while she worked. Occasionally she'd call out a question and, still without looking, I'd answer. When everything was assembled I helped her stick it in the oven and set the timer.
While dessert baked, Rich moved in to start his segment. This was more than I could bear to watch so I headed upstairs to fold laundry. When I came back down, everything looked fine.
Suddenly it hit me: It's 5:00. Dinner is being made, dessert is in the oven and I'm not doing any of it. The beauty of the situation sunk in and I relaxed. I stayed out of the way while Rich finished up and directed a child to set the table. He got everything onto plates and called us all to sit down.
We all bit in a little tentatively, to find that he'd made some darned good chicken.
And dessert was delicious too.
We may be on to something here folks!
Reader Comments (16)
mine cleans the kitchen...EVERY NIGHT! husband, not child...that would just be ridiculous!
And he did it on a weekend too! Double bonus points!
Maybe you should have Sunday afternoon coffee/shopping dates with friends. Then when you return home, supper has magically gotten itself on the table!
In my experience a lot of people become good cooks by necessity (see myself with a mother who couldn't cook). I think it might be a good thing to get your kids cooking more often. Especially Hayden, his future wife will love if he can make something beyond ramen for dinner.
The hubby used to cook a lot when we were both working, but I really like to cook so I do all of it now. BUT he is MUCH better at clean up than I am and that is where I appreciate his help the most! Plus, the boys are starting to set and clear the table, so my kitchen duties are getting easier! Yay for helpful families!
Sandy - That's just as good as cooking if you ask me.
KB - You dream big Katie. :)
Miriam - Sigh. Last time I let him cook the fire department showed up. I'm a tad hesitant to try it again. http://www.ourfrontdoor.us/notepad/2011/5/23/how-was-your-weekend-mine-well-my-house-nearly-burned-down.html
Erin - Why am I not surprised that he likes to clean? It gives him a chance to alphabetize I'm sure.
LOVE it. I never thought I was a control freak till I started working and Ted started "doing stuff". . . Wow, what an eye opener that was.
Of course since I got laid off last week - I'll be able to uhmmm. . . take control of the kitchen situation again. . . . LOL!!!!
Heather
I'm super impressed with you Mindee. Just remember, if they keep doing this maybe eventually you won't ever have to worry about cooking for any of them!
(Also, could you tell me how to teach my husband to volunteer things like this?)
I just printed off the recipe to make Dump Cake. I'll Tristan try it.
I totally get the control thing, especially in the kitchen because that's kind of like my office. That being said, both of my girls are wonderful cooks and amaze their friends (especially the boys!) with their skill in the kitchen. I definitely learned by watching my mom and slowly but surely getting in there with her to help and then eventually cooking meals every now and then as a teen. My mom is also a bit of a control freak so I come by it honestly. I think what I really dislike is the mess so my attitude is-close my eyes to it while the meal prep is in progress. My girls always get it cleaned up before we sit down and I just need to remember that. Good for your hubs for stepping up to the plate and good for you for letting him!
Heather - so that's the upside of being laid off I guess?
Stephanie - it took me 20 years. I have to tips.
MJ - it was surprisingly delicious!
Joyce - your girls are my inspiration. I need cooks like that in my life.
I love this post!! I couldn't watch either...especially if someone else is messing with raw meat. :) I will say that Eliana has just prepared me some peas, pasta, and a nice beverage. I totally let her do it all (her own kitchen is her territory, after all.).
Good for Rich for volunteering - it will be good for all of you. Hayden
definitely will benefit from watching his dad cook. I knew Rich was a
winner the minute I met him - and the right guy for you!
okay, what's your secret? Did you bribe him? Threaten, cajole? I want to know what is behind him "suddenly volunteering" so that I can get my husband to volunteer too!
:)
forwarding this to bill. :)
Christina - and I'm sure they were delicious. :)
Mom - well I'm not going to get too excited about it until it happens more than once!
Tabitha - I have no idea. Either it's just something that happens after 20 years or I'm going to end up owing him.
missy - poor Bill.
Woot! I can't believe you've gone all this time and never recruited your children into food preparation. Just think of all the free time you can have! You could start stalking woodland creatures even!