Under The Shed
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 5:00AM I was looking out my office window the other day and saw a pile of leaves creeping across the backyard which seemed a little odd, even for my house. Standing up and leaning to my left, I saw that the leaves were attached to a tail.
A long, skinny, hairless tail.
And the tail?
It was attached to an opossum.
Ick!Yucky!Ewwwwww!Blech!Gross!Nasty!Ick!
Man I hate those things.
When we boarded our first horse, she was at an outlying farm owned by a petite red-headed woman named Donna who was in her fifties. Donna had a big ol' club inside the barn door that she called her "'possum stick" and anytime she saw one of those nasty critters, she'd grab the stick and beat the life out of the animal. Then she'd pick it up by the tail and toss it in the trash.
Farm women are a different breed I tell you because if I were ever brave enough to get near an opossum with a stick, I'd make a wimpy swipe at it and then it would turn and hiss and make this face 
and I would shriek and drop the stick and do a little dance and then run away, possibly peeing my pants as I went.
So I was none to happy when the opossum with the leafy tail shuffled across my yard and then crawled under my shed.
I HAVE AN OPOSSUM LIVING UNDER MY SHED.
I don't know what to do about this. My first instinct is to put the house up for sale and move. Rich thinks I'm over reacting. In fact, he has no problem with a suspiciously rodent-like marsupial living on the property.
My next option was to call Animal Control where I got a very nice woman who told me, "Due to the high opossum population here, we don't catch them. If you'd like to rent a humane trap from us for $10, you can catch it and we'll come pick it up for no additional charge. I've got to tell you though, that where one opossum moves out, another one is just going to move in."
Her nonchalance over the matter was slightly reassuring. She promised me that, as scavengers, opossums don't attack - they just go through your garbage and eat any pet food you've left out. They are also not known to be rabies carriers in this area.
They're just really, really creepy.
I'm considering the trap option but when I told Allison (who also grew up in the country) about it, she told me to just shoot it. We do have a high-powered pellet gun, and I am a pretty good shot - good enough to hit a creature that moves slowly enough that a pile of leaves sticks to its tail anyway, but there are a few problems with this idea.
- Shooting it would be just a teensy bit illegal within city limits.
- Faith, who has always hated opossums, upon hearing the shooting plan suddenly loves them and doesn't want it dead.
- If I were to kill it, it would have to just lie in my yard and decompose because THERE IS NO WAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH I'M TOUCHING THAT THING.
So I'm back to the moving plan.
Anyone know of a place that is opossum-free?
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Reader Comments (25)
Just thinking about opossums gives me the creeps. Your story reminds me of the time I found a baby opossum in one of my mom's kitchen cabinets. It had found a small hole and made it's way in. Well, my husband had to promptly remove the opossum and fix that hole. I don't think I have ever screamed louder!
" They are also not known to be rabies carriers in this area." TOTALLY NOT REASSURING!! you mean they COULD carry rabies?! it's possible?!
we don't have opossums here. we just have foxes. and bears.
I agree - anything that rolls over and plays dead is creepy. Period.
I'd go with the trap option and get rid of all outside trash/pet food for awhile.
EW.
just a couple of months ago, i was sitting in the recliner by the open living room window...it was really late at night and i was on my laptop with no other lights on. i saw something walk under the window and thought it was a cat. i "shooed" at it but it stood up and pushed on the screen, so i got up and "shooed" it with my hand...omg! it was a possum! (we don't use the "o" in the south =o) after realizing that i had just thumped a possum in the nose, i went and woke up my husband...he wasn't impressed!
I have goosebumps all over and want to throw up for you - I would move.
moving is the only rational choice in my opinion.
Just shoot it, I am a farm girl apparently. Ha ha, and get Rich or Hayden to move it!! Or a shovel, come on your tougher than you think! :)
The desert does not have opossums, at least not that I have seen or heard. We have cute lizards instead and they like to eat bugs!
I hate them too. I accidentally cornered one in our garage and then felt obligated to shoo it out. I poked it with a broom stick. It hissed, and then locked it's jaws onto the broom handle! That was enough for me. I dropped the broom and ran inside. It seemed vicious enough to me. Aren't they supposed to just play dead when under stress??!!!!
Lorrie - AAAAAAck! That is beyond disturbing.
sarah - I suppose bears are worse only because they can actually kill you, but they LOOK a lot cuter.
Tabitha - isn't it though?
LJW - Sadly, we don't have a fenced yard and so I'm at the mercy of what our neighbors' leave out too - which includes cat food next door.
Sandy - I'm pretty sure you should get a medal or something for that.
Sister - yeah, our suburban upbringing did not prepare us for this kind of thing did it?
missy - Thank you for using the word "rational".
Jenna - you ARE a farm girl. I need you next door!
Jessica - lizards are slightly better than rodents, but only slightly.
mj - I would have DIED! Blech!
We have possums all the time around here. My mom put her hand into a dog food bag a while back and accidentally petted one furry little guy...who was both not alarmed or in a hurry to leave the bag. I also remember one who used to sneak into the garage and eat and hang out with the cats when I was in high school. I'm pretty sure both were eventually shot by my dad. But that's the beauty of living in the country!
I understand about wanting to move if you aren't used to them, though. (I'd rather deal with them than snakes any day of the week as far as nuisances go!)
I had never seen a live possum until recently, and luckily no where near my house. I find them terrifying. And I'm someone who loves rats and thinks skunks have a certain charm.
My hubby keeps threatening to shoot the squirrels that eat our bird seed. I get upset when he chases them away.
can i comment twice? good! you could always dig a hole by his new digs (get it? dig/digs) anyway, when he walks into the hole, SHOOT IT! then all you have to do is throw some dirt over it, plant some daisy's, and problem solved...till the next one moves in. then your lawn might end up looking like the green way on caddyshack...so never mind!
I say either trap and release it somewhere in the woods, or leave it be. They really are mostly harmless.
Since moving to a rural area, we've had to:
* Push a possum out of the garage with a sweep broom (I did that one)
* Carry an armadillo out of the backyard with a shovel
* Shoo skunks out of the chicken coop
* Remove a baby rattlesnake from the bathroom (Larry had the honors there)
* We've also trapped and released a couple of raccoons and possums that insisted on making the garage their home.
At no time did we kill any of these animals, although Larry wouild've gladly done so. I just have the belief that I'm living in THEIR part of the world, and I need to share it with them.
Katie - She reached in the bag AND TOUCHED ONE? I would need to be medicated.
Miriam - Squirrels drive me crazy, but The Poodle loves them so.
Sandy - of course you can comment twice - especially when your idea is that brilliant.
Cindi - Aaaaand you have just convinced me to be a city dweller for life.
Does anyone else hear William Shatner's voice? An overly-dramatic and Shakespearan inspired fake-death. Mindee with a rake screaming?
Perhaps that's just me and my love of Over the Hedge.
I'm sure there are possums (excuse me, Michaela said it's an O-possom) here, but I haven't seen any in our yard...you would have to deal with roaches though. At least the oppossom (how do you spell that stupid word?) is OUTSIDE.
Okay, I think I might be traumatized just from having to see that photo. I'm going to have to get back to you on advice after my attack of vapors passes.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I love your writing, Mindee! I can see myself shrieking, doing the little dance, & running away, quite possibly peeing my pants too!! One solution. Move. Come to Charleston - we just have roaches & snakes :-O