At Least They Weren't "Mom" Jeans
Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 5:00AM I am five feet, ten inches tall.
I have a 36 inch inseam.
I am decidedly pear shaped.
Add up those facts and what you get is that for many years, shopping for jeans was nearly as bad as shopping for swim suits. Until the advent of "tall" sizes, there were very few places I could go to find a good fit. The Gap and Old Navy were pretty much it for a long time.
Shortly before we moved here in 1999, I stopped by Old Navy to pick up a new pair of jeans. I had four year old Reagan and two year old Hayden in tow and so I skipped the dressing room and just took them home with me to try on.
The dressing room with two year old Hayden? Not fun. Not fun at all.
I came home and put the jeans on and wore them around the house for a few hours. This was before they put "stretch" in jeans and so you had to break them in a bit to see if they were comfortable.
This particular pair, was not.
I took them off and shoved them back in the bag. I meant to return them, but we were in a whirlwind of packing and cleaning and moving and I just didn't get it done. On our last day in that house, I threw the Old Navy sack into the car and it made the move with us to Nebraska.
When we got here, the sack got set aside in my room for another couple of weeks while we were unpacking and adjusting to our new home. Finally, one evening, Rich and I loaded up the kids and headed to the mall. We walked into Old Navy and Rich took them to the back of the store to look at the kids' clothes while I took my very wrinkled sack up to the counter to return the jeans.
Behind the counter was a rather cute college-aged guy. I was just a few years older than he and still hopeful that young men didn't just see me as a "mom" but an actual female.
Those hopes were about to be dashed for good.
I smiled at the guy and explained that I had purchased the jeans in Denver, but now needed to return them. He nodded and grabbed the sack and pulled out the jeans. As they came out of the sack, something fluttered to the floor. I looked over the counter as he looked down and both of our eyes locked on. . . my dirty underwear.
Lying on the floor of Old Navy.
Behind the counter.
Where I could not reach them to snatch them up.
I would have happily left the jeans and let Old Navy keep my money if I could have just gotten my feet to move so that I could run out of the store. Alas, they would not move. Not one inch. The boy leaned over and picked up my panties with the very tips of his fingers and sort of flung them at me with a look of pure revulsion on his face.
My face was a deep shade of Husker red as I stammered and giggled hysterically. He finished my transaction and I fled for the back of the store to find Rich.
"We have to go. We have to go NOW!" I whisper yelled at him.
In a situation like that, you kind of hope your husband will just trust you and follow directions. No such luck.
"Why?" he asked "What's wrong?"
I hurriedly told him, showing him the underwear I had shoved into my coat pocket. Rich gave me a look much like the guy had and we took off for the exit, dragging the children along behind us.
And I didn't return to Old Navy for a good six months.
The End.
Feel free to mock. I know I would.
I Am Hilarious, Mindee, My Favorites, Weird
Reader Comments (22)
I'd have keeled over on the spot. Does this story get told a lot or is this the first time you've said it out loud? : )
I liinked to you in the HP questions this week...you might get some visitiors from my blog.
I would have died, and said something stupid like, whoops dropped my panties, lol!!
=0 That is quite possibly one of the more embarrassing stories I have ever read. Holy crap. I have no idea what I would have done. Probably jumped OVER the counter.
So horrifying and hilarious at the same time!
classic. stories like this help me to feel normal. i once tried to return something with a receipt i had washed. it was literally shred into crumpled up little bits, but i tried to show them how you could make out a few traces of the items i was trying to return. the manager came over and said "just give it to her for her effort." he seemed both amused and disgusted. not nearly as disgusted as the old navy guy. i seriously can't believe he picked them up. SO funny!
ohmygosh how awful - but now hilarious :)
I am 5'11 with a 36 inch inseam. I pretty much only buy jeans at the Gap, and it's been that way since I can remember. They now make extra-long and those are great for wearing with heels - something I used to never even attempt. I keep trying to find a nicer pair of jeans that fit just as good, but they usually don't cooperate with the rest of my body.
Good luck shopping - hopefully that won't happen to you EVER again!!!
Oh.My.Goodness. I cannot stop laughing (sorry Mindee), I love it how we have to explain ourselves to our husbands when we are mortified and just want to leave. Have a fabulous tuesday!
Oh the horror! I've done the "wearing the same jeans 2 days in a row" thing and had the underwear fall out my pant leg.
While I was in high school.
Then there was the time we had a fire drill, also in high school. And we happened to have a "slide" to get down from the 2nd floor.
I was the lucky girl to have my jean pocket snag on the slide and rip my pants open directly across my butt. Are you laughing yet? I've always got more . . .
The question is - Did Rich learn his lesson from this? When you hiss at him in a highly agitated manner that you need to leave NOW, does he just leave without asking questions post-incident? Or would he be like my hubby and not only ask why but then say "I can't hear you, say it louder" when you hissed again?
LOVE this story. So much. So very, very much.
Have I mentioned I love this story?
I have never heard this story before! I am LMAO right now!
OMG I would have died. But this story will leave me laughing all day. Thanks for sharing.
OMG I would have died. But this story will leave me laughing all day. Thanks for sharing.
Mindee, I would have DIED right there on the spot. Bless your heart. I am SO sorry you had something like this happen. It sounds like something that would happen to me. Did I say, "Bless your heart?" Here let me say it again, "Bless your heart."
Hugs,
Ardee-ann
What? I can't hear you sweetie. Underwear? Yours? Young cute college guy? What?
Ahahaha. I love this. Thank you for making me laugh out loud this morning.
I would never mock you because it's not nice and that sounds like something that would happen to me! Thanks for the laugh!
I bet the young cute college guy uses this as his best story ever. You know they did not include a response to this in the Old Navy employee hand book, I wonder what options flew through his head in those milliseconds?
No mocking, but laughing with you at this crazy story. Oh my goodness. That's a good one!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
And I am going to take a wild guess and say that they weren't sexy little underwear, either? Unfortunately, because then you could have said something like, "Ya- I may be a mom, but I still wear those...." with a wink.
That is too funny. I am laughing so hard right now. I can only imagine how red you were.