Kids=Chores=Kids
Monday, August 29, 2011 at 5:00AM .jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1314573135542)
Rich was talking with a guy the other day who has three kids roughly the ages of our three.
Get this: His kids don't do chores.
Really. This guy and his wife do all the dishes and laundry and cleaning and the kids don't do anything.
That is totally insane. Despite what my kids think, we did not have them just so we'd have someone to do the chores, - but it is a nice perk to parenting.
My kids do dishes, vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, mow the lawn, pick up the house, scrub floors, take care of the pets, take out the trash and help with laundry.
I don't do anything to try to make the chores "fun" and we don't pay them for doing them.
Because guess what?
Chores aren't fun and if you live in a house, you make part of the mess so there's no reason to get paid for cleaning up after yourself.
And frankly, making them do the chores isn't a whole lot of fun either. Whoever's turn it is to clean the bathroom they share always complains that they aren't the one who made the mess so they shouldn't have to clean it up. Whoever's turn it is to do dishes always has more dishes than anyone else. Whoever I ask to take out the trash always did it last.
Sometimes listening to them almost makes me wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to do it myself. Goodness knows it would be done better and more quickly.
But I resist.
Because here is the thing: If we did not have the children, there would be nothing for us to do.
Without kids, Rich and I would be living in a loft-style apartment somewhere urban.
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We would not have a yard to mow or sidewalks to shovel. Our laundry would be a small, weekly event. The dishes two people make wouldn't amount to much.
Plus, with all the money we'd save not paying for new shoes, school clothes, yearbooks, soccer fees, lessons and car insurance?
We'd hire a maid.
But we do have kids - God bless them. Kids need a yard, so we have a big one. They need bedrooms and bathrooms and thus we've provided several. They need to eat so I grocery shop and cook. And since I can not convince them to go naked, there is always a load of laundry to do.
So there is a lot of work to be done around here and since they are the reason for it, they can do it.
What about you? Did you do chores as a kid? How do you feel about it now?
Parenting
Reader Comments (23)
I agree with your take on chores and kids. I ran barefoot and tangle haired as a child. Long story. But at a certain age, I was made to do dishes. I BALKED. They stood firm. It was the first time anyone made me do anything. Not having a schedule and an authority as a child has left me bereft of discipline my whole life. I"m trying to change that for my kids. Today, my kids do almost exactly what you listed but I've been feeling guilty that we don't pay them. After reading this post, I don't! And I'm also glad to hear that they aren't the only ones who voice those EXACT excuses.
*snort*
I was just trying to imagine what the conversation would sound like when you try to convince them to go naked . . . I'm sure it would be just as rational as any other conversation with teenagers. : )
My mom has said that she never knew how much her kids did around the house until we all moved out.
We make our son do chores. We started when he was 3, he had to start helping me put him clothes away. Now at 5 he does that, helps put certain groceries away (usually the toilet paper) and he helps us empty the recyable stuff into the bin and take the garbage out to the curb and bring the cans up. We truly believe that kids should know how to help out around the house and that it needs to start at a young age.
We do give a allowance that we started at 4, but it has nothing to do with his chores. He gets the money no matter what. He has to save half of it and the other half he can do whatever he wants with it. We do not buy him toys he wants anymore, he knows that he has to save up his money to get those (we do every now and then buy him a new toy) Money management was not something I learned growing up and I think it is really important for kids to know that. They need to know not everything is handed to them and they have to save money to get the things they want.
I could not agree with you more. We do not have children yet, but even the chores we have with just the two of us (and our puppy!) are more than I can handle some days.
My mom was like you. We had to do chores and we didn't get paid for them (well, not directly. we had an allowance but we couldn't get it unless we did our chores. we also couldn't play with friends or do many other things without doing chores.). And boy, did she nag!!! I hated it. I now understand that she hated it too.
Because... I have to nag my husband to do ANYthing! Growing up, he did not have to do any chores. EVER. His parents had a maid and several au pairs, and they did everything for him. Then when he went to college, he and his roommates hired a maid and he took his laundry to a laundromat. Which means that when we moved in together and got married - he continued to not do chores. Why should he? He's never had to do them before, and it really doesn't bother him when they don't get done. Unless something smells or feels gross, it's not dirty enough to warrant cleaning. This has become incredibly frustrating, and I am regularly saying things to him that my mom used to say to me! Kinda ridiculous, but I send her apologies all the time, as well as "thank-yous" for teaching me how to take care of a home properly. Chores is probably the #1 reason for our arguments and after 3 years of living together we have finally come to a few compromises that have significantly lessened the arguing...but it still happens. I will admit part of the problem is that I am incredibly OCD and I need to loosen up. But it just drives me bonkers.
I insist that our future children will do chores, and of course Bo is on board with this, because guess what? It means that he still does not have to do chores. Kills me every time.
mj - yours too? Whining is a universal language, isn't it?
KB - very few conversations at my house are "rational."
Jessy - Good for you! We have dropped the ball on the money management lessons. Yet another thing for them to blame us for later. :)
Lisa - I feel your pain. I really, really do.
Amen! Our girls have done chores since they were very little. During the school year, there isn't much routine to the housework, but they are expected to do whatever it is I happen to need done. School and homework get in the way of real housework, darnit. But during the summer, I don't do a bit of cleaning - they do it all, according to a schedule we've worked out. I don't have to clean a toilet or vacuum from the day school gets out until the day they go back. There is grumbling & complaining, and like you, I often think it'd be easier to do it myself. But the thought of having kids making no contribution whatsoever, when they live in the house, too? That's just crazy!
Good job! Now aren't you grateful that you and your sisters learned to cook and
clean as kids? Child Psychologists will also tell us that the children develop
a better sense of self-esteem by knowing that they're important to the
household - really, kids! Congratulations!
Timely post - my son is FIGHTING chores tooth and nail. He only has a couple right now, as he's only 6. I did chores, but my husband did not. It's weird. His mom did everything, and I am perturbed by this. I have my son unload the dishwasher, clean his room , wipe down the bathroom with clorox wipes and put away his laundry. I think it teaches them to be contributing members of the house, like you said, we all make the mess, so should all clean it up. It's an uphill battle for sure, that sounds like it doesn't get easier.
I am absolutely a fan of chores for kids. I had to do chores as a kid and my sister and I complained/fought endlessly about who last wiped the counters or vacuumed the stairs. Not only that but my mom went behind us and sometimes said we needed to redo.
My girls had chores too and guess what? They both now live in their own apartments and appreciate knowing how to clean bathrooms, change the vacuum bag and wipe down faucets. They also appreciate roommates who know how to do these things.
Really praying my girls do not marry boys who were raised by parents who did not insist they contribute to the well being of the household by simply and regularly doing a few chores. My hubs is a hard worker and pitches in in all areas of housekeeping. I hope my girls get husbands like that too!
Mindy - That sounds ideal. I always feel too guilty to make them do all of it. You're inspiring me!
Mom - Yes. Yes I am grateful. :)
Krista - no it doesn't really get easier BUT just think of all the aggravation you're saving your future DIL. You're creating future family harmony.
Joyce - as someone who has spent 20 years trying to teach my husband how to do chores, I hope that for your girls as well.
Our kids do chores! And we don't pay them. Because we think it is just part of life and all that jazz.
Oh, my kids will be forced to do chores. And they'll be forced to sing Mary Poppins songs while doing so.
I'm already excited.
You would be amazed to know how many kids do not know how to cook or clean when they go to college. They are helpless! My parents had us doing chores from a very young age. I mean, with six kids, you gotta have help. My husband, on the other hand, only did chores outside. It drives me nuts that he doesn't know how to clean and cook. I'd like a little help every now and then.
LJW - It IS part of life, isn't it? sigh.
Megan - Oh my goodness. I can't believe I never thought to institute chore singing. I could have them do a whole medley. Genius.
Marla - I'm thinking there's enough of us that we should form a support group!
i'm 25 now, and growing up didn't really do much in the way of chores. we had to clear our dinner plates, but my mom did all the dishes. sometimes we helped put them away in tupperware, but by the time we were in high school, the chances of all 4 of us eating at the same time were slim to none anyway, so it really didn't matter.
my mom was anal about the laundry so all we had to do was bring it downstairs to her on monday morning. if we didn't bring it down, it didn't get washed, and her #1 rule was (and still is), it's coming back to you exactly how you brought it to me (i.e. inside out).
we had saturday morning chores that were never really enforced, and i really did always end up doing more because i'm the neat freak and my little sister is the messy one.
i guess all in all i can honestly say i don't really remember having much in the way of chores, but i don't think my mom really did things like clean our rooms or scrub our toilet for us, either. if we were standing around in the kitchen, she'd ask us to feed the dogs, and if we had nothing to do on a saturday she'd ask us to help her out, and we did. it worked for us, and i have a feeling i'll raise my children similarly. i'm way too type a to do it any other way!
:-(
I grew up having to clean my room every Thursday. It became the Dreaded Day for me and my 2 sisters. I was also in charge of vacuuming the hallway that one sister shared, and she cleaned the bathroom. I remember when we got a new vacuum, it was the coolest thing in the house, and my oldest sister told me that once I try it out, mom will know that I can use it and I'll have to start vacuuming. The wisest advice, and the dumbest mistake.
Still today I hear my mom nagging me. I HATED the nagging, but it's also taught me responsibility and I am glad that she taught us how to clean and cook.
I should probably clarify just a little about our summertime cleaning. I work full time. Somehow I have gotten it into their heads that if they take care of the housework, it frees me up to be able to do the fun things like ride horses & go to the pool. They've also figured out for the most part that if mama's happy, life is SO much easier for them. The oldest especially takes this to heart, and can clean every bit as good as I can if she puts her mind to it. That's not to say that it doesn't get a little sloppy towards the end of the summer, and I wish it could be done better. I didn't really have many chores as a kid, and it definitely shows in my lack of discipline towards housework. I want to change that for them.
While I totally had chores as a kid, and we were not paid per se, I will say my parents did go pretty easy on us. Our #1 chore was clean up your own stuff. Translation - if your clothes remain out past the time they said, your toys, or your shoes they went into a big ol' garbage bag.
Then you had to do extra chores to earn it all back one item at a time. Oh and there was no warning system. If Mom got mad at the clutter and it had been more than 24 hours your stuff was free game. (We cleaned fast on trash days...)
That being said - I do plan to have my not-yet-conceived- children do chores. Even a toddler can help sort laundry or put away their own toys. Chores teach self-worth and responsibility in my opinion. And unless they are wealthy they will be taking care of these things when they move out (and they will move out.)
Our kids definitely do chores. I made a chart and everything! With a new baby, the big kids are doing more chores than they want, but that's the way it goes. One of my kids is even at the age where she LIKES to clean! You better believe I am all over that.