Being A Lone Hypochondriac Is No Fun
Monday, May 30, 2011 at 5:52PM I'm missing my sister, Beth, today.
You see, I have cancer again and no one cares. Yes, it's true that I get cancer pretty often. As a lifelong hypochondriac I frequently have tumors or syndromes or chronic diseases. Usually the symptoms appear after reading the latest issue of Reader's Digest or the health section in Good Housekeeping and they tend to disappear before I actually make it to a doctor but one of these days I'm going to be right and then some certain people are going to feel very bad.
People like Rich. When I told him I had back cancer today, or possibly a tumor on my kidney and that I'd probably be dead within a year he just nodded and said his back had been hurting him too and that maybe we needed a new mattress.
Or people like my sister, Nicki. Since she and my mom both have very real autoimmune disorders and live with very real discomfort I don't usually bother them with my cancer. But I've had this back pain for a couple of months now so it could be real and I thought I'd better text her and tell her. Her text back implied that I have a screw loose. Actually, it didn't just imply. She flat out called me crazy.
And that may very well be, but just because I'm crazy does not mean I don't have back cancer, or possibly a tumor on my kidney.
My sister Beth though, a bit of a hypochondriac herself, would always agree with me that it sounded serious and recall the articles that she had read on the subject to help confirm my symptoms. She'd stay on the phone with me while I went to the WebMD Symptom Checker. WebMD used to have really cool flow charts that we loved.
Today I had to check my symptoms all by myself. It turns out that I very well may have kidney cancer. Or it could be Helicobacter pylori infection (that sounds exciting!), or perhaps Osteomyelitis (mysterious!), or possibly Dermatomyositis (dramatic!).
Oh sure, "muscle strain" was also listed as a possibility but Beth would have agreed with me that such a pedestrian diagnosis was unlikely.
There's no one else in my life to do that for me. To send her a letter saying "Hi, please let me back in your life and start talking to me again because I have back cancer or possibly a tumor on my kidney" seems just a tad manipulative.
Or possibly more than a tad.
Please excuse me now. I have to go find Rich and make him check to see if there's a visible lump. He's going to be thrilled I am sure.
Reader Comments (16)
Mindee, I think we must be related! Anything that is ever wrong with me, in my mind is obviously some sort of terminal cancer. Literally, everything. Surprisingly enough, I am not a hypochondriac (and neither are you!) because I always actually have the symptom...unlike a true hypochondriac that usually doesn't even have the symptom. I have been very fortunate with my health, but my mind always leads me to believe the worst. It is awful!!! So I feel for you!!! Everyone always thinks I'm crazy, too!! ;). By the way, I'm going to guess muscle strain or kidney stone!! My husband's kidney stones always feel like pulled muscles. He's pretty well versed in lithotripsy!
I'm pretty sure I have an aneurysm. Had it for years; just waiting to explode. But now that you mention that back cancer, I have been having pains...
Damn your sister. Sisters are life friends. They shouldn't stay mad. Perhaps its been so long that neither of you know what to do next to fix it. She has to be missing her sister, too. I would be....
You watch a lot of "House" don't you.
KC - That was on my list too!
Tammy - Oh yeah, I've had several aneurysm scares over the years. You never know when that bad headache will . . .
Abby - I don't. That's probably for the best, don't you think?
Oh. My. Word. Mindee! This post is hilarious. I concur! I in fact took my children in for their yearly check up last year and while waiting for the doctor to come in the room started reading the posters on the wall. By the end of our appointment I had self diagnosed myself with asthma. Later while having dinner with some friends, ("Dr." Mohring as I like to call him. Sure, you and I both know he's still in med school but by golly that still counts!) he had me run the block and then checked my lungs afterwards. Low and behold.... Exercised induced asthma! Bingo! I rest my case. Feel free to call me with any of your "life threatening" disease because chances are this girls got some issues too!
I as well have had MANY tumors & lived through them all - I'm a walking miracle. However, more importantly than your serious cancer friend.....i say it's ok to drop her a note. Drop it w/ zero expectation- drop it merely to "drop it" & who knows.....i have to believe a bit it could only help. Even if it's returned w/ silence. It might feel good to just write. Just my 2 cents. Hope all is well friend !!!!
(((Mindee))) Sisters are complicated, this I know first hand. Praying there is peace and restoration in your future.
Renee - YES! Victory for the hypochondriacs. I, too, have correctly diagnosed several people over the years. That medical knowledge does prove useful occasionally.
KEL - I've tried that several times and am always met with more silence. There's only so much of that I can take.
Joyce - thank you. :)
You were made for each other, I hope she gets her act together soon and realizes that! On the up side, she'll probably come around once you get your dire diagnosis.
I have to admit I totally do this too! I'm glad I'm the kid in my family that didn't go into health care. I can only imagine how bad I'd be were I properly educated!
You know what they say, patients make the worst doctors when they self-diagnose.
I have been guilty of this as well...
Does you sister know of your blog? I think she needs to read about how much you miss her.
I hate that you both have to go through this. :(
I will be praying for your relationship.
You are so great, I'm laughing out loud:))
1. I hope you really don't have cancer.
2. I hope your relationship with your sister can be restored.
3. How come all your other sisters' names are spelled the normal way? Why is Nicki not Nickee?
4. These are things you should ponder and ask your mother about.
5. But do like the spelling of Mindee. I never wonder which Mindee/Mindy is talking to me. :)
My sister regularly got appendicitis. I cruelly informed her that it was most likely gas, but she never listened to me. She still has her appendix as far as I know. She doesn't speak to me either, so I'm not actually sure.
I regularly get appendicitis or cancer, but I keep quiet about it because I don't want anyone to think I am a hypochondriac, like my sister. I prefer to die a martyr's death.
My mil is a hypochondriac, and I've actually given her a cold over the phone before. On purpose. It's the little things in life that bring you joy. : )
Sorry to hear there have been attempts, with only silence as a response, I was hoping this might the first, and it would be successful, you know the kind with a happy ending. Hope you are loving Denver ! The weather has been perfect!!! Take care friend