Genetic Destiny
Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 7:56AM As a child, I was not good at very many things. Oh sure, I got good grades. School stuff came pretty easily and physically, I was competent. I just was not good at anything interesting.
- I took piano lessons for three years and never, ever developed any rhythm, nor was I able to identify a single note by sound.
- Despite an interest in soccer, several years of playing still left me as the worst one one the team.
- A season of track proved that I can not run far or fast. I can not jump high or long. I lack coordination and strength to throw the discus or shot put.
- Swimming - I tried swim team for several years and again - I became very competent. I never could get the butterfly down though. Grrrrr.
- I also recall some dancing and gymnastics lessons but given that I am tall, uncoordinated and lack rhythm I can guess that those didn't go well.
- Art? A-hahahahahahahaha!
- Singing? Oh-hohohohohohohoho!
Well into adulthood I felt such a sense of failure over all of that. Like, if I had just tried harder I could have been good at something.
Then I had children of my own.
In fifteen years of parenting, I have sat on the sidelines for nine different sport endeavors. My kids have played six instruments. There have been chorus concerts and Christmas programs; spelling bees and science fairs.
I have learned much by watching my kids and their peers. Mostly I have learned that genetics count for a lot and what you're born with is pretty much all you're going to get. Obviously hard work and drive are required to improve inborn skill and become truly great but . . .
- Just because you want your child to be good at something does not mean that they will.
- Just because your child wants to be good at something does not mean that they will.
- Physical/mental ability is key, but not enough. There also has to be a large degree of interest and a desire to work at it.
- Sometimes a kid is good at something they have absolutely no interest in. You can't give a kid passion.
- The fun part? Your own children can be good at things you absolutely aren't.
- Kids will choose activities that you have no interest in. It turns out that they have their own minds, likes and interests. Rather cheeky of them if you ask me.
I'm going to pick on my own kids just a tiny bit here to illustrate. Reagan was a sweet, lovely child. She was beautiful and funny and unusually articulate for a preschooler. It was a joy to watch her play with her little friends on the playground.
But there was the running issue.
Up to about age 12, Reagan ran like Phoebe on Friends. It was painfully amusing to watch and no amount of coaching could change it until she reached the age where her peers started making fun of her. That gave her the motivation to pay attention and she now runs like a normal human.
Hayden, to this day, runs like a wounded bird. He tucks his left arm into his side and wildly flails his right arm. We do not know why. Again, much instruction has been given to correct this but since Hayden doesn't give two hoots what people think of him, not much improvement has been made.
So I went through two children believing that proper running form was something that children had to be taught. Something that had to be learned.
Then Faith came along.
Faith, without any coaching at all, runs like the wind. She is graceful and fast and can go forever and when she finishes, she is smiling.
It is really weird.
On the flip side - Faith struggles with things that came easily to the other two. Huh.
Recessive genes do exist my friends, and Faith is proof of that. She is also proof that I can let go of my sense of failure over my lack of accomplishment in the realms of sports/music/art. Much as I would have liked to be good at any of those things, it's just not in my hard wiring. As an adult, I realize that's okay. I also realize that you don't have to be good at something to enjoy doing it. I have many friends who didn't do sports as kids but now enjoy running or dancing or what have you.
I am not one of them of course, but I have evidence of it.
I have taken up singing as an adult. I still do it badly, but that's ok. I don't make anyone but my family listen to it. It's just that I truly enjoy belting out a song in the car or the shower or the kitchen while making dinner.
And you don't have to be good at something to enjoy doing it.
Reader Comments (21)
I tried to play basketball for years... and I never got any better at it. Finally, I got tired of spending hours in the gym every day for something that I sucked at and quit my Sophomore year in high school. It was a relief. But I still enjoy a good game of basketball. Aren't genetics funny?
Marla @ www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Aw - I was just trying to think of something I was good at as a child to write in my comment, but I've got nothing. Except taking massive number of photos. Does that count?
Clarification: these were not good photos, simply a gigantic quantity, which was its own gift in a time of film cameras.
You have a gift for writing. :)
I wish I could sing as well as I like to sing. I also wish my husband would quit comparing my singing to a goat.
I was an ok track athlete, I held my own in hockey, but I really didn't find my inner athlete til I discovered rowing as a high school student. Sometimes the things we love are not the things we are good at. And sometimes the things we are good at are not the things we love.
I do find it strange.
I do lots of things I am not good at! In fact, I don't think I excel at any one thing.
But does that stop me from trying?
Nay.
Nay it does not.
My son has a love of music and guitars especially - where that comes from and how? Its one of the great mysteries. Kids love what they love and are good at what they are good at ... They are really their own people :)
Tracy
My boy is just the same! He couldn't care less what people thought of him, I thought he was the only one!
I once had a youth pastor who was a retired Special Ed teacher who taught me one lesson that has stuck with me to this day....When my brother sings he sings beautifully, when I sing its pretty decent, but when my mom sings.... well we all cringe. Yet Ronnie would always sing with her because as he put it My Mom sang JOYFULLY and FAITHFULLY. Thats all HE wants....a faithful and joyful NOISE. So no matter what Mindee, remember that you can make a joyful and faithful song sound Beautiful.
http://ourmarriageadventure.com
Good post so very true how it all comes together. I didnt post on your last post but my kids went back to school yesterday. I thought we were the only county that went back so early. Good luck with getting back to work.
Beautifully put, although I of course disagree with your descriptions of Reagan and Hayden
running. Grandchildren are perfect in their grandparent's eyes, just maybe
sometimes different! Great posting -
Mom
LAUGHING OUT LOUD picturing hayden running. HILARIOUS. and bless him for not caring what others think of him. we should all be a bit more like him.
What a great post and great perspective. I am excited to see what direction my kids go. The joke is that they have not choice, but to be nerdy, uncoordinated teenagers/adults because that's how both their parents were, but here's hoping that something resessive sneaks in.
That is great! Your description of your kids running is priceless. Christian does this crazy thing where he runs and swings one arm around in a circle, like a propeller. He doesn't do it all the time, just randomly. It's pretty funny. When he was very little (2-3) he would run around our apartment and pat his legs at the same time. Hilarious. I could never do it, in imitation. He is much more coordinated than I. :)
Also? Hearing you tweet about how it is too hard to parent teenagers? Not helpful.
:)
I can't wait to see how my little ones develop and mature. All I know is that Kayla at 14 months can already take any object and throw it at my forehead with deadly accuracy, be it a ball, bink, or food.
And Alaina's singing sounds like someone is letting the air out of a tire. Really loud and forceful at first, then down to a whisper. All of which is off key.
I think it's amusing how unique each child is. Is like the box of chocolates expression...just don't know what you're going to get.
Will we be seeing Faith playing soccer this fall?
I enjoy a lot of things, but am not truly great at very many of them. But, it doesn't keep me from trying. I am best at being a spectator. I love to watch most sports. I love to watch music/dance performances. I think I'm a great judge of whose good or not ;). Maybe that's my calling. I can judge a reality talent show. I need to go get an agent. Thanks for making me think of this. HA!
I love what you said about not having to be the best at something in order to enjoy it. Also, about not trying to live out your dreams and aspirations through your children. Good advice.
I am married to one of those people who seem to be a natural at mostly everything they try. My oldest got lots of those genes. My youngest got more of me : ) but she did manage to find a healthy dose of self confidence from somewhere mysterious and although she has to work harder she is sure she will be excellent at whatever she puts her mind to : ) It is so interesting to think about the gene pool...same parents but the product perfectly illustrates that we are each uniquely made!