Unlikely Parenting Tool
Tuesday, July 27, 2010 at 10:57AM I got a call last week from my friend. Let's call her . . . Joan? Marsha? Lola?
Lola.
Yes! Let's call her Lola.
So Lola wanted to talk about ADHD and what we've gone through with Hayden. Lola has a boy. A boy that she loves very, very much. A boy that she wants the world for. A boy who is driving her straight up the wall and right back down again.
I was the right person to call. We've had to repaint all the rooms in our house to cover the tracks from the many times Hayden has driven me up the wall. Lola's boy is several years younger than Hayden. He is, in fact, exactly the age Hayden was when he was the most exasperating. Lola and I compared notes.
Arguing? About anything, everything and nothing? Check.
Too much energy for his body to contain? Check.
Not able to fall asleep at night? Check.
Not sleeping nearly long enough for the adults to regain their energy. Check.
Impulsive behavior all over the place? Oh yeah.
I don't know how much help I was. Mostly I just listened to Lola and assured her that everything she was seeing fell within the realm of "normal" for ADHD. I told her a few things we've done that have worked with Hayden, but that what has really helped the most is time.
What two years of maturity has done for Hayden is immeasurable. If you had told me two years ago how much I would be enjoying my son's company today I would never have believed you. But it's true. Honestly, blessedly true.
After I hung up with Lola I started reflecting on the scary years and realized I had forgotten to tell her about one key tool: the video camera.
We had been struggling for years with Hayden's social skills. Particularly troublesome (and a major turn off to other kids) was Hayden's absolute insistence that play go his way. When it didn't? Look out. Major tantrum complete with tears and yelling and stomping. His frustration was palpable. Here's Hayden in action in 2005.
Rich was trying to play soccer with him, and Hayden was livid when things didn't go his way. For some reason I took a picture of it. What I should have done was video the incident.
It wasn't until several years later, when Hayden was about 11, that video taping was suggested to us. I was immediately intrigued. I sent him outside to play with the neighbor kids and waited. It wasn't long before Reagan ran in to report a melt down. Normally I would have gone out and either tried to referee or sent Hayden in. This time I grabbed the flip video and just recorded the whole thing.
Later, Rich and I made Hayden watch it. We made him really see what he looked like when he was throwing a tantrum. He saw what he looked like and he saw the appalled looks on the faces of the kids around him.
He absolutely hated watching that video.
The next time he had a tantrum, he had a second tantrum when he saw me taping it and refused to watch the video.
The third time, all I had to do was pull out the camera and he quit.
He hasn't done it since.
So I'm passing along this tip to Lola and any of you who might find it useful in curbing a behavior that your kid just can't seem to shake. I think it could be useful for habitual liars, arguers, and sibling abusers as well as melt downs.
Just . . . Rich? Honey? Don't even think of trying it on me during my next tirade. That wouldn't be prudent. :)
Reader Comments (22)
When I used to ride horses, we'd always say how we should record ourselves so we could evaluate it later and find where to fix our mistakes. The only thing was, we never got around to videoing it, I never did learn how to properly lean into a barrel turn, and the last thing? I don't have any videos of my favorite past time.
Taking videos of tantrums is a great idea for any parent. I'm going to suggest it to my sister...if nothing else, she can have good blackmail to use when Aspen is older.
That is a really great idea!
Well I am glad I am not the only person that says they are "videoing" something, LOL! Love how you said that you've had to repaint the walls from your kids driving you up the wall many times. I feel the same way.
Thank you a very good read. Though I do not feel my little one has signs of ADHD he does have some very bad social skills, or lack there of. I truly know that feeling of the melt down. The looks on the faces of children and their moms as he is melting down. When grown ups other then myself or my husband call him on his actions he even lashes out on them. Maybe a video is our answer.
Aubrey - you rode barrels? I'm impressed. That takes guts! And yes, blackmail is a useful tool too. :)
CakeMom - thx!
SUT - yeah, and given that's it's digital, probably the word "tape" is wrong too. I'm old and out of date but just don't care.
Sarah C - If you try it, let me know how it goes.
I was kinda thinking I'm glad my husband has never whipped out the video camera on me : )
But I agree-great tool for a struggling child. Sometimes a visual is needed.
I have also pulled the video out on my kids. works.like.a.charm!
oh we have painted the walls over here several times over AAANNNDDDD if Jim EVER gets the idea to video me when I completely lose it...well, let's just say it would not be one of his better ideas!
Good idea, although I hope no one records any of my fits! Yikes! Maybe I should try that to discipline myself!
I love when you post about your parenting techniques. So real and so useful!
~ Katie
www.marriageconfessions.com
Ummm, I haven't done that lately, err, recently. I mean never. Really, that's what I mean. I have never done a video recording.
Joyce and LJW - so much easier to discipline kids than ourselves, huh?
Brenda - good to know it worked for you too.
Katie - thx.
Rich - and if you do, it will probably become evidence at the trial.
I LOVE this idea!!!! Charging the battery now. Excellent, thanks Mindee. I love "Lola" by the way. :)
As I have told you....Since the day I met Hayden I saw so much of my youngest child (who is now a crazy four year old)...Is it ironic that in May our family became the proud owners of a flip recorder?
I love how you can turn a phrase . . . ..
"footprints on the walls."
I got a mental picture of the bad music video with Lionel Ritchie dancing on the ceiling.
*giggle*
Reading your posts makes the day a little brighter.
Wow. That idea is brilliant!
Love this post. :)
Btw, you have an award waiting for you on my blog later today so stop by and pick it up ;)
This is such a great idea... I will be storing it away for the future. :)
Marla @ www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Latrice - much better than Joan.
Angela - hmmmm . . . that is quite a coincidence!
KB - thx, I'm glad!
Chloe - great - I'll be by in a bit.
Marla - hopefully you won't need it. :)
I love this idea! I may have to try this out as my children get older. I love your parenting techniques!
I'm thinking I love this tip. i'm thinking I should perch a video camera up above the pantry to catch all my attempts at sneaking out Cheezits. I'm thinking that watching myself scarf down greasy cheese crackers could do wonders towards building up my willpower. And, doubly, I'm thinking this it could also act as my "you need your roots touched up" alarm.
Great idea, MIndee!! :)
Mindy
www.thesuburbanlife.com
Wonder if it will work on a 2 year old??? I will have to try it, brilliant idea.