Rich got a bit of a bonus this week and so I went out and did what any good, red-blooded, American wife should do.

I went to Target.

And there I discovered that I have bulimia - Target Bulimia.

See, there isn't a Target handy to my house (a clear oversight by the city planners). So I don't just pop in whenever the mood strikes.  Instead I let the craving, the yearning, the need for Target build in my system and then I walk through the doors and lose all control.

I took the girls.  We were just going in to get a few basics.  Period.  End of story.  Socks and underwear and whatnot and we were outta there.

But there's that nifty little $1 section right inside the door and Reagan asked for Spiderman markers.

Yes she is a 14 year old girl.  Apparently Spiderman has universal appeal.

They were only $1 so we threw them in.

And then I saw the sunglasses and I need sunglasses - mine are all scratched.  While I was trying them on the girls meandered into accessories.  A necklace, headband, three pairs of earrings and the sunglasses later we moved on. 

But we had to pass the Juniors section.  And the tank tops were on sale.  Reagan wears a tank top or cami nearly every day - and they were on sale.  So we threw in four or five.  But then, I had gotten Reagan something so I had to balance that out and get something for Faith.

Thus the leotard.

And leggings.

Finally, we made it to socks and underwear.  I don't know what the girls do with their socks, but they disappear rapidly.  Also, the cats eat them, which I cannot explain but it's true.  So we looked for socks that they both liked and that seemed unappealing to the felines' culinary sensibilities and threw them in.  Of course Reagan can't just throw in a pack of underwear, she has to go through bins and pick out the cute ones which meant that Faith and I may have wandered a bit.

To the shoes.

Oh how I love Target shoes.  They had these.

Obviously, clearly, most apparently, Faith needed them.  And then the fair play thing came around again and so I had to get Reagan a pair.

  And if Faith got new shoes, and Reagan got new shoes, well then I certainly needed new shoes.  And they had leather flip-flops!  I love leather flip-flops.  They make me feel like I'm wearing an actual shoe when I wear them to work.  Everyone knows that you can't wait to buy leather flip-flops because then they will be all gone when you come back and the thought of what could have been will haunt you forever.

We can't have that now, can we?

By now the pile in the cart was getting quite large but I just wanted to peek at the bathroom accessories.  We are re-doing the kids' bathroom and I just wanted to see what they had.

What they had was this.

I'm sorry, but are those not the cutest?

And yes, at 9, 12 and 14 my kids are indeed too old for monster bathroom accessories.  None of us care.  And as if the counter top stuff were not cute enough, check out the rug.

Instead of one rug, it comes as a set of two monster feet!

I heart them.

On the way out of the store, we meandered through the health and beauty section and even more items found their way into the cart.  More than I realized actually.  At check out, I was unloading the groaning cart onto the conveyor belt and there were more than a couple items that I had not approved in there.

My girls are sneaky!

We got home and laid everything out and I realized I had done it again.

I had Target-binged.  Big time.

I need to check WebMD for the symptoms, but I'm pretty sure this is clearly Target Bulimia

I really feel for the families at my school who have moved here from other countries.  This town is a relocation center for African refugees and I can not even fathom how hard that must be.  To have to leave your country involuntarily with just your kids and the clothes on your back.  And then?  To be plopped down in the middle of a foreign country where nothing is the same. 

And it's cold.

And you don't have a car.

And you don't speak the language.

And your clothes are weird, but you have no money.

And the food is weird.

Then, you have to put your kids in school.  A school where you can't meet with the teachers because you don't understand what they are saying.  A school where if the nurse calls to tell you your child is sick you can't understand it.  A school where your child gets in trouble because the customs are different.

And then one day in March you send your precious children to school and they come home crying because they got pinched all day for not wearing green.

Green?

Why?

Please people, if you know of any immigrant families in your area take their kids some green tee shirts for next week.  You probably won't have any luck explaining why we celebrate an Irish holy day by pinching people who don't wear green but try.

For me.

Because last year on St. Patrick's Day?  Seeing the little faces crying just about did me in and I ran through all my green stickers trying to rectify the situation.

Thank you for your cooperation. :)

Really?  Bits and Bobs?  Is that an actual saying, or did I just make that up?  And if it's real, what does it mean?

It's Monday, and I'm fragmented.  So is this post.

1) Pick Another One - I'm totally picking the vacation option.  I'll take the kids on some of them but not all.  I could take a really nice cruise for $10,000.

2) I told Rich that if we do die wealthy I want to write my will just like that.  I want to make people choose how to spend my money and I don't want it to go towards boring things like bills and savings.

3) But don't hold your breath.  The chances of us dying wealthy are slim to none.

4) Speaking of death, a friend my sister's died over the weekend.  One of those completely random and horribly tragic situations.  He was in his late 30's and in good health and just died.  They think it was a blood clot.  He left behind a wife and three kids. 

Stories like that throw me for a loop.  I spent the rest of the weekend appreciating Rich more while mentally planning his funeral and deciding if I would keep the house or sell it if he died.  Also, Rich has a lot of stuff.  I spent Sunday afternoon deciding what I would do with his stuff.  It was stressful.

Also, do you think I could use his CPAP machine in lieu of mouth to mouth resuscitation?

Anyone need some neuroses?  Because, clearly, I have some to spare.

5) If I hadn't been being grateful that Rich wasn't dead, I would have killed him because it was nice this weekend and I really, really want the yard decorations down.  Really.  A lot.  He did manage to remove the deer but that's it.  Grrrrrrrrr.

Happy Monday.

Is that an oxymoron?

Boy y'all have some weird family members.  Last week your dead relative made you pick between a chef or a maid.  This week your great-uncle died and left you $50,000 - after taxes.  But of course he made some provisions.  The $50,000 is only payable in one of two ways.

Either to:

1) A car dealership.  You can use the $50,000 towards the purchase of a new or used car/s.  You are allowed to trade in any vehicles you currently own to help with the purchase.

or

2) A travel agent.  $10,000 will be paid directly to a travel agent every other year for 10 years to be used towards any vacation you choose and corresponding expenses.

So what is it going to be?

This morning I woke up and was the mother of two teenagers.

Two.

Teenagers.

In my house.

At the same time.

For the next 3 1/2 years.

The last time I lived with two teenagers I was a teenager.

Thirteen years ago today I ended the longest two months of my life.  I had been on bed rest since New Year's day trying not to go into early labor while also trying to take care of my one year old and the house.  Oh - and taking that awful medication that makes your heart race like you're running a marathon.  Two whole months of timing contractions and worrying and doctor visits - and it ended in a C-section because the baby was breech and wouldn't turn.

Which means that I have a scar.

And this is the thanks I get.  He's gone and grown up and is now a teenager at the same time as his sister.

Children are thankless creatures.